Tomorrow we enter a new season, a new chapter in life. Tomorrow we send off not one, but two kiddos to school. Tomorrow Jude starts Kindergarten. It will be a little easier in the sense that I am not going into to Kindergarten blind. I now know what to expect, and Jude has the same amazing teacher Elisabeth had which is an honest answer to some serious prayers on my end. I am hopeful this will also be a turning point in Elisabeth's struggles with school, and by struggles I mean her flat out not wanting to go because she was the one and only family member being forced daily to attend school...now she has Jude...to join her on this journey...now she won't feel so left out...she won't miss home so much...she knows her brother is in the same boat...she is no longer the lone school goer.
It is however not easier sending off another baby to kindergarten, at least not for me. Every year come August the same old fears and frets arrive, and this year it is times two. I made a very cautious choice to stay home with them. I feel very lucky and grateful I have had that chance to be their first teacher, and to be their main care taker, but in all honesty as lame as it sounds I am just going to plain miss them during the day. I am going to miss the morning snuggles, the random hugs, the day in and day out routine, the "watch this" and "look what I can do!", and 1.8 million questions I currently get asked through out the day.
I know that school really is the first tiny baby steps in the many stages of letting them go, and it hurts a little. Don't get me wrong I am happy they are getting an education, I value that...it is a privilege denied to many. I just feel a little sad, and possibly a tad bit jealous, I don't get to be a part of it. I want to be there when their little eyes light up because they read a sentence for the first time, or to stop them from feeling sad because a friend hurt their feelings, to remind them being kind will never be a waste, to say please and thank you, to help them, to show them how to love others like Jesus, to make sure they are being productive polite little members of society, to pray with them, to see what makes them smile through out the day.
I realize that starting school is minor step in them growing up, because they still come home to me at the end of the day. I still have weekends, and snow days, and breaks, and summers...elementary school is not forever. But, I see the bigger picture here...and forever is not that far away.