Hmmmm. Where to start. If I had written this post about a week or so ago, it would have been about how heavy my heart felt for this daughter of mine, and how desperately she needed your prayers. It is no secret she struggles with school. Not in the forms learning or making friends...but in the form of being away from home. She generally misses her family. It is extra hard on the mornings when every other family member is stays behind, and she is the lone ranger being forced to serve time Monday through Friday 9 - 4. It is exceptionally difficult on Sunday nights, four days weekends, and holiday breaks.
It was increasingly painful last week when she was casually talking about her day, and used the words "sad" and "lonely" to describe how she felt. Lonely is a strong word for a 6 year old. Truth be told I went in the bathroom and cried afterwards. My mama's heart couldn't take it. I don't want to see her sad, or hurting. I want to fix it, and make her happy...as I am sure most mothers do. I want to hug her, go to school with her, bet yet tell her she never has to go to school.ever.again...you know, scoop in and save the day. The key word here being "I". Truth is I can't fix everything for her, and honestly I am not sure if that is the best philosophy to have though life. After throwing myself a pity party for a few days, I realized that while I couldn't be with her every waking moment...I could point her to the one who can...Jesus. Although she might not be able to always rely on me, she can always rely on God.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6-8
I am going to look for the silver lining in this phase of her life. I have a peace knowing that I did the very best to raise her spirits, prayed with her and for her to have a happy heart, prayed for Godly friends to be evident in her life, and most importantly any time she struggles I let her know how very very much she is valued, treasured, and loved ... and point her to Jesus. Because really, that is what I am training her for eventually.
"My Motherly instinct is to hold on-to cling to my children as if they are mine to protect. And while I know that God's purpose for my children require independence, my mamas heart still needs some convincing." /// Erin MacPherson // The Christian Mothers Guide To The Grade School Years