Tuesday, April 23, 2013

i'm sorry

{ source + where to buy = alexander creative

I have read, on more than one occasion, that as parents we should never force our children to apologize if they don't want to.

I strongly disagree /// because the fact is, in life there are many times we won't feel like apologizing, but when we hurt someone it is the right thing to do.

In our house we started them young, so it isn't a struggle to get one kiddo to say sorry to another kiddo if they have done x,y,and z. If I am speaking honestly the apologizes are sincere. I try to make an effort to point out why the other person is feeling hurt, this helps. For example pointing out the sad face or tears, shows that the hurt is real. I also make it a point to apologize to my own children if I have hurt them or wronged them. I like to lead by example.

....and finally we end our "sorry" with a hug , 'cause in this house we hug too...

so what are your thoughts on this subject?

17 comments:

aimee bee said...

I agree. I think it is difficult to apologize whether you are a child or an adult! I can see how it can be such a teaching moment for your children and to emphasize our imperfectness but the Lord's perfectness.

Rebekah Jo said...

We are big on forgiveness in our house too. I recently went through a tough time with my 12 year old, and I had to explain to him over and over. That while, yes, he was in trouble and yes it was bad, that I forgave him because Christ forgave us and that is the example we must live by.

Vicki said...

Oh, yes! Teach them to apologize! The ability to give a sincere apology is a skill that everyone needs!

17 Perth said...

Coming from the girl without kids....Here is my two cents..lol. Honestly, I find it strange that books tell you to not supposed"force" kids to apologize. Often, I feel like, when you need to apologize, it is the hardest....and training and practice is the best way to learn. If they don't learn it early...then won't it only get harder to do as we get older?

And I love your example..and how you hug it out at the end.

Forgiveness is meant to be practiced I think. So, when we have kids...no doubt, we will practice forgiveness as well.

Eva Taylor said...

Absolutely agree! Teach them to apologize, what they need to apologize for, and why. We also teach our 2.5 year old to ask for forgiveness. All so important!
Eva

Leah said...

i totally agree. when they hurt others or disobey, i tell them i think an apology is in order. when they grumble the apology, i tell them to think about why they should apologize so they can actually know why they're saying sorry. afterwards, the apology is more heartfelt. but i agree the most in you leading by example. if you don't apologize, they will be reluctant to as well. great topic!!

lo said...

love this. i babysat for two families. one uses this 'im sorry- i forgive you' , followed by hug model. and one did not teach that, though both christian. noticed a big difference in the two as the children got older. i think it also teaches them how jesus forgives us when we repent.

michelle @ this little light said...

As usual, I agree completely. Love catching up with you, girl. Don't think I'm done blogging for good ... just for now. xoxo

Bekah @Lemons & Snickers said...

100% with ya lady!! We make sure that when they say sorry we ask "and what are you sorry for?" That way they are not just saying the words but understanding the reason the apology is necessary. And lead by example. I've let the kids know that sometimes it's embarrassing to have to apologize, that's our pride. When we push the pride aside and ask for forgiveness with a sincere heart, we're shining.

Cara Howard said...

AMEN amen amen!!! I'm not a momma yet, but I fully agree with this philosophy. This is God's way! Which is the BEST and only way! And 9/10 we don't feel like apologizing even as adults, but we still MUST if we desire wholeness in a relationship. LOVE this.

bandofbrothers said...

someone once told me that saying "Sorry" isn't really enough. But they need to say "I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" .

And I hate hearing my boys say "i'm sorry" when they are being sassy and don't mean it. but when they say "do you forgive me ?" it puts them in a humble position of submission to the person they hurt. Much harder to do but worth it! it's worked well around here.

as a kid, my mom always apologized for yelling and she totally lead a great example for me to follow. I apologize rather quickly and easily as a result. I have friends who did not have this modeled and it's like pulling teeth getting them to apologize! SO the best way to teach them is to model it ourselves! great post!

Kerry @ Made For Real said...

We say I'm sorry in our home. And end with a hug as well. Even if it's forced, the hug always ends in a smile : )

Daisy said...

I completely agree! We will be teaching our baby the same.

Katie said...

i have not read anything about that but i definitely agree that you should teach them to apologize!

Susan said...

Wholeheartedly agree!

Kelly said...

i read this while waiting in the pickup line and meant to come back and comment. commenting from my phone is horrid. ha! who in their right mind would say that we shouldn't force our kids to apologize? that's crazy to me.

i always make my boys apologize, say i forgive you, and hug even if they protest (and one of my boys has super strong will, mine is stronger) i will drag it out all day if need be.

i also feel like this (not teaching our kids to apologizing or teaching them other morals) is why we have so many people in this world with ugly hearts.

Trina said...

I agree with you. And another biggie is saying WHAT they're sorry for, AND the other person saying "I forgive you" rather than just muttering "that's okay." It's not okay, and that's why an apology needed to be said in the first place.

It can be a challenge, but also myself apologizing when I reacted badly as a parent. I'm not always a great example, and I want it to be clear for my kids which things I do that they should follow and which ones I should have never done.