Jude. 9. {birthday letters)

Dear Jude, 

I’m not sure why...but lately you seem so grown up to me! 

Tonight I gave you a big hug before you went to bed...and I told you to give me an extra squeeze because this was going to be last time I hugged you as an 8 year old. 

I told you tomorrow you would be 9...and that’s basically a man. Oh who am I kidding...you’ve always been more like a grown man than a child. You never played with action figures...could not grasp the concept of imagination play...you spent your days studying presidents and maps...not playing with the things most of he boys your age did. 

Now, with that said...one Love has never wavered....and that’s baseball. You’ve always loved playing baseball...you’ve been working so hard this year in the off season to become a first baseman...I can’t wait to watch the first game of the season this weekend! 

I’ve also been reflecting a lot on your NICU days. I didn’t take any picture of you hooked up to monitors and machines...I did not want to remember you that way. Grandma took some photos of you in the early days of you stay at a la baby ICU...and I got mad at her for taking them...I may or may not have snapped at her and demand that they be removed from all social media...but I text her today and asked if she still had them and if she would send me some. She kept them...and she sent them my way. 

Oh.my.you.were.tiny. I got a little teary eyed thinking about how God’s provision was over your little life. My water broke 5 weeks and 6 days before your due date...and I wasn’t in labor. I wasn’t in the least bit scared or worried for you...I felt such a peace...I knew that God was going to take care of you...if that were to happen today...I’m not sure if I would react the same way...fear has attacked me way more with age...it didn’t stand a chance in my youth...and it didn’t stand a chance when you were born. 

12 long days you stayed in the NICU. I though you were never going to come home!! BTW...you’ve been around 3,285 days...12 days was just a flash in the pan.

Then you can home...and cried...and cried some more...and when you were done  crying....you cried a little more...Elisabeth asked if we could take you back to the  NICU because you cried so much. You cried 5-6 hours out of the day for 10 months...then one day we gave you a French fry...and you stopped...and you’ve probably only cried like three times since then. I always tease that we put in all the hard work the first year of your life...and it’s been smooth sailing since. 

You are such a wonderful boy and son! You’re smart...you are good in school...you’re a great brother. Your still Elisabeth’s best friend...you claim Lyla drives you crazy...but I see the way the two of you bond over weird things...you try your best to love on Brooklyn...but she usually just pinches you...don’t worry she does that to all of us...I think that how she says “I love you.”

You always do what I ask...you’re still the worlds worst looked...you enjoy playing card games like spades and uno...you love huskies + wolves...and told me one day you’ll own a Polmski (which a a cross between a Husky & Pomeranian ... that basically means it will look like a baby wolf forever.)

You love the Cardinals, Jesus, and donuts. Your my favorite person to cook for because you like everything. I used to have a son...but I lost him to a little game called Fortnite. You can floss like no other...and love getting online and playing with your cousins. You have fun playing baseball in the neighbors drive away, playing kickball out back, & four square out front.

You don’t care for soda or gum. You can never find socks, you despise haircuts and shoe shopping...or any shopping really. You don’t like to watch movies, but you will watch Studio C, Dude Perfect, and Collins Key. 

I love the hugs you give, your sea glass eyes, dimples, and laugh. I can’t wait to see what you do in the world and how God will lead you. 

I love you so very much.

Xoxo.

Mom.

Happy birthday, son. I can t wait to see how God will use your life to touch others.